Get Past the ‘Crunch Point’ – The Key to Changing Behavior


Cover of "Who Am I?: The 16 Basic Desires...

Cover via Amazon

 

Are you trying to change your natural needs, wants, desires, values and/or motives or simply a learned habit that is not performing well for you?

 

Changing a habit is much more likely to be successful than changing your need for the 16 common human motives as measured using a Reiss Motivation Profile®. Natural needs/motives/values do not tend to change much as humans age. Habits are often not easily changed, but are more likely replaceable.

 

You may have developed a habit as a way to easily get one or more of your natural needs satisfied.  If so, it will be very frustrating to change the habits unless you are able to figure out an alternative way to satisfy those same needs.

 

I follow and read Dr. Denny Coats, Ph.D.’s Tweets daily. I admit to being a big fan of Dr. Coats.  Here is a link to his blog featuring a terrific post on changing habits:

 

Get Past the ‘Crunch Point’ – The Key to Changing Behavior.

 

If you would like to discover your natural motives, contact me at andy@lifematchesbook.com to schedule a Reiss Motivation Profile® and personal telephone consultation.  You may also read, “Who Am I?” and “The Normal Personality: A New Way of Thinking About People” by Dr. Steven Reiss, Ph.D..

 

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We Need Motivation!


English: A child not paying attention in class.

English: A child not paying attention in class. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Reiss Motivation Profile® (RMP) is designed to show how much one needs/desires/values sixteen different common human motives. As a certified Reiss Motivation Profile Master, I have helped 200 people interpret their RMP results since July 2012. Here’s the top 3 things that I have learned about human motivation so far:

1) “Different strokes for different folks” and “It takes all kinds…” are true statements. We are all different in our needs/desires/values and motivations. While we may seem similar to other people in some of our values, each of us are uniquely motivated to satisfy our natural needs in different ways and to different levels of satisfaction.

2) Humans naturally misdefine the word “different” to mean “bad” or “wrong” when describing differing values. Andy naturally judges Bob’s motivation to need/desire something Andy judges as undesirable and opposed to Andy’s needs/values as “different” and therefore Andy judges Bob’s motives as bad, wrong, odd and weird. Afterall, Andy is “normal” and he views his needs as “normal.”  Andy then uses a value judgment to conclude that Bob’s opposite needs/values are “not normal.” Andy  then tries to convince Bob to stop being so wrong headed and to come to Andy’s “right” way of thinking and to start wanting what Andy wants and values. Depending how strongly motivated Bob is about the value being confronted, an unending conflict ensues.

Understanding and accepting that “different” means “dissimilar or not alike” and not wrong or bad is the first step to accepting and understanding other people’s’ needs and tolerating a “live and let live” attitude which reduces frustration and conflict in both Andy and Bob and allows both to satisfy natural needs/wants and desires. This is true for friends, co-workers, lovers, and family members. We are all uniquely different in our motivations. It’s how we are naturally wired and is nearly impossible to change.

3) Humans feel frustrated when needs are unsatisfied.  Frustration is like static on a radio trying to receive a distant signal. Often one cannot understand the talk or music coming from the radio station through the noisy static. Frustration makes clear interpersonal communication and understanding nearly impossible as our minds and judgment are clouded and our emotions are running high. Reducing one’s frustration by finding a way to get one’s needs satisfied or by accepting that tolerance is the only viable option in a situation, then opens up the possibility for effective conversation/collaboration and mutually beneficial relationships with those who have differing needs/values. Understanding, acceptance and tolerance are powerful tools in human effectiveness. Let frustration be a warning signal to alert you that one or more of your needs are not being satisfied.

Helping people understand their needs/values and motivations is fascinating. I’ll continue to share my thoughts about learning to get what one wants in the quantity that one wants it. This is what psychologists refer to as living one’s “good life” and it’s what I call living “Fired Up!

If you would like to discover your natural motivations, please send me an e-mail at andy@lifematchesbook.com.  Your RMP and one hour telephone conversation is $90 US. I give all net proceeds from RMP consultation to CHADD the national non-profit organization for people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

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